She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize