so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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