i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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