oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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