My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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