He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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