the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize