I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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