btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize