I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize