There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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