I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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