So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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