i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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