Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize