someone threw a dead crab at me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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