I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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