Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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