I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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