i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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