I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize