Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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