u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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