Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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