Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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