Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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