Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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