At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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