You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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