everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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