so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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