i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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