somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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