i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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