If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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