you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Houston, we have a blender
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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