And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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