I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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