we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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