after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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