He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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