wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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