i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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