I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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