Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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