If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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