WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize