Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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