It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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