so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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